


diary

by ineffablenerd



Series: Wilde Week 2020 [2]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: A Wilde Week 2020 (Rusty Quill Gaming), Angst, Diary, Idiots in Love, M/M, Memory, Mutual Pining, Pining, Recording, Wilde Week Day 2, post mortem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:01:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27604604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineffablenerd/pseuds/ineffablenerd
Summary: Zolf cleans out Wilde's office after the crash and finds a diary
Relationships: Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde
Series: Wilde Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018164
Comments: 9
Kudos: 44
Collections: A Wilde Week 2020





	diary

**Author's Note:**

> Day 2 - “Memory… is the diary that we all carry about with us.”
> 
> **Remembering** | Forgetting | **Recording**

Zolf finds the diary among all the paperwork when they're cleaning out what is left of the Vengeance. He opens it, expecting another notebook full of meritrocratic jargon or mission statements, instead, when he starts reading, his legs give out under him.

  * Went to the young Al-Tahans Apartment. What an interesting bunch. My research prepared me but I was still surprised. I have an _interview_ set up with the McGuffingham heir later tonight. Not sure if I can get anything more valuable out of him than a bit of fun but we'll see.



Zolf skips a couple of pages

  * This group I swear to the gods. I'm not gonna recount here what is in my official notes. _Paris_ huh.  
I'm not sure if I agree with my superiors on how to handle this.  
The group doesn't seem to be all that uniform in their opinion of this either. They did save my life for which I am grateful. The Guffingham heir might be a liability. Didn't think he'd take it so personally to be fair. The Dwarf, Mr Smith seems sensible. He dislikes me firmly which I appreciate. It speaks of his good taste. I've tried doing more research on the thief, but all my leads are running cold. Or Dead. I don't think it's her doing though. The Racketts aren't known for their open personal lives.  
I am currently trying to find a way to Prague. Such is the fate of the world that the only airship available would be Amelia's.
  * Guivres gave me a deal. It was my only way to prague so I took it. What could go wrong with swearing a blood oath to someone that just glassed a city and killed thousands? I'm sure it will be fine.



A _blood oath_? "What did you do Oscar."  
Zolf knows he should continue working. Clean out the office, prepare for the next steps in their journey. But he has to _know_.

  * I hate the Cult of Mars so much. Mr Smith left. I don't know what happened on that Airship but I was looking forward to working more with him, I think there's someone intersting behind all that gruff.  
Bertie's dead so that's one less liability at least. The Goblin at seems to be competent so that's good. He hates me even more than Zolf does. It makes his eyes go all dark and I'm not gonna lie I'm gonna file that away for personal use.  
I could feel the oath tearing at me when I openly disagreed with the meritocrats. And I disagree with them more each day. They can't just keep glassing cities. I'm going to Cairo next, I need to speak to Apophis, and keep and eye on the LOLOMG; they're doing good work but I am worried about them.
  * _how did they get to Cairo so fast?_ by the time I arrived they found another Paladin. She seems nice. Apophis was barely any help.
  * Apophis told them what I said about them. I have a reputation to uphold you scaly little bitch. At least they got the Heart to use.
  * What the _fuck_ is Squizard. I miss Zolf he wouldn't have let this happen.



The entries get shorter after that. Disjointed. Oscar's neat loopy handwriting slowly getting jerky and hard to read.

  * Guivres knows I went to Apophis. Bastard probably told them. Or they're connected in a way I didn't anticipate. They're sending me dreams.
  * Haven't slept in days. Dreams are near constant now. LOLOMG sent me _so much_ paperwork, but I can't tell them I can't do it. They need me.
  * It's tearing at me when I'm awake now too. It got a little better when I asked Apophis for help with the factory. They probably think I'm back with them now. I'm not. I can't trust them anymore. None of them.
  * Something's wrong. The LOLOMG got me a list, but no one talks to me. There's headaches now too, and it's getting...



There's a smear across the bottom of the page. Like someone spilled something over it. There's drops of what could just as well be blood. The entries continue on the next page like nothing happened. _That's just what he's like_. What he _was_ like. Zolf swallows heavily and continues reading.

  * Grizzop saved me. Maybe he doesn't hate me so much after all. I'll have to properly thank him when he gets back. When. If. They're in Rome. I should contact Mr. Smith, he has to know about this. The Cuffs have cut off the Oath just as they did my magic. I didn't tell Grizzop that I knew where it was coming from. He'd think I'm compromised. Until I can resolve this no one can know. I'm a rogue agent now.
  * It's much harder gathering information without my networks or magic but I have found where Zolf is. He's the only person I can think of I could trust with this, even if it means getting drowned in a bucket. Better than what ever is happening in Europe.



Something round and wet blooms on the page and smudges the ink. Another drop quickly follows. Zolf quickly wipes at his eyes. He can't do this right now. But he also can't put it down. He skips ahead.

  * We have a whole team now. Zolf and Barnes have some kind of history, I don't want to ask. The thought of it makes me nauseous. Better not examine that, I have to stay on top of things. Carter is a lot to handle but it seems I haven't lost all charm. It's way too easy to get him to agree with me. He's not my type but he doesn't have to know that until I have to turn him down eventually.
  * Curie continues to be unhelpful. She thinks it's a suicide mission, going to Japan. But what else are we supposed to do. Living is a suicide mission right now. At least Zolf agrees with me. He's getting better with the legs we got him. He still hasn't explained what happened with poseidon and I doubt he ever will. He's completely unreadable sometimes. It's infuriating.
  * Zolf keeps bringing up food when I don't go downstairs for mealtimes. I'm suspecting he's buying shorter candles as well so they burn down faster so I'll go to bed. Asshole. We have work to do.
  * I have discovered I can see them sparring in the courtyard from my window in the new safehouse. **Very** distracting. Maybe I'll finally take Carter up on the offer it has been _way_ too long, but I think Barnes would properly murder me, and it would complicate things. And honestly, it's definitely not Carter _or_ Barnes I'm picturing when my mind wanders.  
I really need to keep that in check I can't afford to be distracted.
  * If that dwarf could just rail me like _once_ I'd get over these stupid feelings and be done with it. I don't think he will. It's not something he does. I wonder if he knows what he looks like. Like actually _knows_. Because he can't keep training shirtless in the rain, _noone_ is getting any work done.



The tears are coming faster now. It feels wrong to read Wilde's thoughts like that. Like voyeurism. But Wilde's dead. He wants to have hope, hope is his _thing_ , but he can't trust that druid. He'll believe it when he sees it.

Zolf's hands thumb through the pages and open it on the last written one. The handwriting is shaky, it must have been done on the airship. There haven't been any dates or locations like with the official statements.

  * Almost gave myself away with two truths and one lie. But no one guessed _why_ I read all the Cambell novels. So I saved face, just a little bit. I made a list of all the bodies people are in now. At least Zolf is still Zolf, imagining him as a Kobold would be fun though. I almost kissed him right there on the deck.


  * I can't believe we named it the Bow Bar. I also can't believe it worked. It almost felt real, like fun was still a thing. Everyone looked marvelous. I couldn't stop staring at him. In two years I don't think I've seen him smile like that. I hope he didn't notice. Oh well, I'll blame it on the booze. They're going to try to go through another Borealis to fix the body swaps. I'm still thinking we could have had more fun with those. I'm sure it will be fine, I trust Cel. And I trust Zolf.



Zolf almost expects it to continue on the next page, but it's empty. Unfinished. because Wilde trusted him, and now he's dead.

He touches his own name on the page. He can't process what he just read. In all the time he spent secretly staring at Wilde's face, wondering if his own was telling all the feelings he was trying to keep under wrap, not once did he entertain the notion that Wilde might be doing the same thing.

"We're getting you back Oscar." He says to no one in the empty office. "Just so I can tell you what idiots we've been."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just gonna pump these out Day of apparently. Oh well.


End file.
